My Adult Opinion

I have come to the realization that my 4 year old relationship is dead and has been for some time now. It’s been a really long time since my boyfriend has made me feel and love, passion or really any other emotion besides anger. It seems like we are okay most of the time but oh how he gets on my nerves and almost every little thing he does makes me so mad. Seems he can't do anything right and it's not him all the time, I realize that it's me and the fact that I am really tired of this whole relationship.

I am thinking of maybe just maybe joining an online dating service and not telling him about it. Maybe I can find someone else, if for some reason the dating service is a dud and cannot find me anyone, it will mean that I am a total loser and I will just have to stay with my boyfriend. I certainly hope for my sake though that I can find someone else, I would really like to have a nice relationship again and feel that someone careswhetherI wake up in the morning or not. With my boyfriend it seems like I don't evenexistand I can practically throw myself out the window and he won’t even notice.

I don't even know how we got to this point, 4 years I never would have thought that I would end up joining a dating service to look for someone to replace him. I remember he used to be so nice and he was so careful with me. He used to go out of his way to do things for me and always made me feel that I was the most important thing in his life. Even his touch used to be so sweet andcaressingwhere as now he is always in a rush. Either there is no time to be special or there is no want, and I have a very sad feeling that there is no want.

I don't know maybe this whole dating service idea is bad; maybewhatI really need to do is talk to him and sees if he will listen to me. It would be such a shame to throw so many years out the window. I really do love him and maybe my anger is just frustration that boils over. I guess I will have to think on it a bit before I make any lame and stupiddecisions.